The guide to my needs, wants, boundaries and inherent human flaws. Basically like a Method for improvement, but all in the one place.

Inbox (waiting for relevant categorisation)

1. I want a clean kitchen when I start cooking. It stresses me out and makes me feel frustrated with others when I have to clean up after them. I like restoring the kitchen to a clean state when I'm done cooking.
2. I'm not always myself. When I don't exercise, or when I'm tired, or sometimes when I just wake up feeling really tender and sad, I don't feel like the version of myself that I'd call Myself™. Connecting with Obsidian, meditating and journalling regularly is extremely important to make sure I sync up with this version of myself.
3. Think before you say if you're not in a good mood. I'm prone to saying things that are dumb or callous on reflection when I'm in a bad mood, which are occasionally cause for regret. If I'm not in a good mood, I should moderate the stream of consciousness a little.
4. I crave silliness. While I have a tendency towards logic and analysis over emotion and this leads to great DNMs and introspection, I can forget what it's like to be a child. To keep my Inner child happy and in tune, I need to foster it with play.

My emotions

1. Try to hold back the floodgates until you know you're not going to drown the valley. When it rains with my emotions, it pours. My difficulty identifying my emotions until they're overwhelming can make it difficult to have awareness for how others are feeling, such as on 2025-04-07 and 2024-04-10, even though it might be really important for us both to feel heard. In short, I'd really like to try self-soothe and hold space for both my emotions and other people's, at least asking if someone has the space for my emotions before I allow them to overwhelm me (or trying to remember this, anyway).
2. Sitting with my emotions and assuming the best is the best way to self-soothe. Well, the best way I know of anyway. Also, self-soothing is a process of returning from Insecure attachment to Secure attachment. Unless someone's given me reason to distrust them (which, let's be honest, is difficult to judge when I've got Antagonism), I should try and read their behaviour through various good intentions, at least in addition to reading their behaviour through assumed intentions. This might allow me to defuse antagonism that lead to chats from my insecure self like in 2025-04-02 and the guilt of returning to my secure self (as I did in 2025-04-02#The followup; a life jacket for Insecure attachment).
3. I have a tendency towards logic and analysis over emotion. This may be because of some internalised lack of safety to feel my emotions; We go into our heads because it's not safe to stay in our bodies.
4. I have a tendency to shame spiral when I learn I've hurt people I love. This can make it difficult to process and hold space for their emotions when they might need it most. Luckily, I'm easily able to compartmentalise, so I should make use of it if I notice myself spiralling like this.

Relationships

1. To love someone means to see them and be seen by them. This places No withholds at the centre of my requirements for emotional love with someone; I want to feel like we can talk about everything, without needing to talk about everything. This is an analogy of the low barriers to entry requirement in the free-market; you don't need actual competitors, you just need it to be easy enough for competitors to appear.
2. My brain easily defaults towards Antagonism in my close relationships. As a means of self-protection via self-sabotage, it will try to assume the worst of people I love. This is something I'll have to gradually unlearn over a long time.
3. When you're upset, you don't always see things clearly. I can rationally know something, and yet struggle to feel it. I'm yet to see if I can sit with upset feelings and come to empathise with another perspective beyond my own initial one.
4. Insecurity is a signal. Sometimes, insecurity is a sign that I need to work on something in myself to feel secure (like worrying that I'm not interesting enough). But other times, it's a sign that my needs aren't being met in relationships (like not feeling presence from another person).
5. Be present is a core value in relationships. It drives me crazy when someone is half-listening to me, and I don't feel good about not listening to someone properly either. I would rather talk less often with more presence than more often with less presence, because the latter harms my self-esteem.
6. Emotional drift happens when I'm on my own. When I'm starting to spiral or problem-solve in my Relationships, it might be better to call or meet up in-person to reconnect first; the reconnection may eliminate unhelpful branch prediction.
7. Use communities and friends to vibe over your interests, rather than just your partner. I like to share, but it doesn't all need to be with my closest friend or partner. Use a journal, communities and other friends to share my interests and deep-dives with, rather than just sending it all to my partner. This is something I've felt for a while too, deep down; I want to share all these detailed thoughts with people who'll appreciate them.
8. Processing your emotions means sitting with them, not rationalising them. When I'm feeling upset or insecure, don't necessarily journal, just sit with my emotions. Jumping straight into journalling may engage the rational part of my brain, which is not equipped to deal with irrational issues.
9. Escalating a relationship too soon can ruin it. While being seen is so important to me, it doesn't make sense to clarify where the relationship is going before its had time to form.

Known insecurities, aka "things my brain says that has unnaturally high volume for how (not) true it is".

1. That I am not interesting enough. This pattern shows up in a few thoughts:
   1. "When people don't listen to me, it's a sign of my worth as a human being."
   2. "I don't have enough hobbies or interests, so I'm doomed to not connect with people over more than surface-level things."

Work

1. I get easily distracted when work becomes difficult; I will do anything not to do the hard task in front of me.
2. I feel very stressed when I'm not achieving things, and can end up feeling guilty too. I need timeboxes to make sure I'm taking breaks (walks, tea, coffee) to avoid getting stuck and dropping in productivity.
3. When I'm working for a long time, I get dissociated and emotionally disconnected. I need deadlines to make sure I stop working and come back to my normal, feeling self.