Emotional emergency pamphlet

Hey homie! This is written by Higher self for when we're probably inevitably panicking as a result of our conditioning. Fret not, it's gonna be okay! But we need to take care with how we engage with our feelings and analysis, because we've often invited Antagonism and unnecessary suffering in before.

This is likely us right now:
Before: this is fine, not

...and this is us later:

After: this is actually fine

The best advice I can give us right now is:

  1. Take a break to be mindful. See if we can just focus on our breath without ruminating, go for a walk or a run. Try detach from this and think about literally anything else, just to get space from our brain. What we're feeling is valid, but we might be responding to our past instead of responding to our present.
  2. This will pass. At some point, probably later today, we will return to Higher self and feel secure attachment, if we navigate this right.
  3. Try CBT with the ABCDE technique.
    1. What is the Activating event? This includes external factors (like people's behaviour) and internal ones (like particular thoughts or rumination).
    2. What are our Beliefs about the event? Properly identifying our assumptions, especially about how we think our partner feels from observing their behaviour, has been consistently difficult (and understandably, given My trauma). Try to be extra present for this step, rather than being numb during analysis. If we're numb, go take a break. Now, and this is the most crucial step, list the evidence for each belief , and try to figure out which beliefs are irrational.
    3. What are the Consequences, including our behavioural and emotional response?
    4. Now let's Dispute the irrational beliefs using external evidence.
    5. Finally, notice the Effects of restructuring your beliefs. Do you feel more secure? Or do you need to seek more evidence by asking someone how they feel, or by finding an experience that challenges your beliefs?

If we need some examples to remind us of how we got out of this in the past, we can read 2025-08-07#Emotional regulation 101, or 2025-04-02#The followup; a life jacket for Insecure attachment.