The art of conversation

https://theconversation.com/the-art-of-conversation-1927

I read this after contemplating why I don't feel connected in some conversations over others. I was driven by a desire to understand how to create or inspire a "good conversation", especially because I feel like I've historically relied on info-sharing or fact-dumping (which probably gives me +1 likely for autism).

The crack feeling I get from good conversations comes from being in the flow state, which I feel partly when I'm trying to convey/understand an idea, but largely when I feel emotionally seen by somebody; when they want to understand why I feel the way I do, and when I feel like I understand why they feel the way they do. That feeling of mutual understanding is, to me, one of the gems of good conversation, and it's a really strong bonding experience. It's why I like No withholds, because it uses cracks in the surface of my stable facade to get at something that's gnawing away at me (for worse or for better).

In our verbal exchanges we often flip from one topic to another – while conversation suggests something more sustained, more substantial.

A conversation is the encounter of two polished minds: tactful enough to listen, confident enough to express their true beliefs; subtle enough to search out the reasons behind the thoughts.

A conversation is a work of art with more than one creator. So, quite often, two or more people cannot rise to the level of conversation. They talk with one another. It may be cheerful, it may be polite, it may be a bit funny, it may be informative. But it lacks something crucial to conversation: the risk of seriousness.
...
An interim benefit of such conversation is the light it sheds on what decent people really actually do disagree about. And more than that it illuminates the intimate why: the motives, fears, hopes, associations, key experiences, leaps of logic and quiet deductions – all of the things that add up to explaining why a serious person holds the view they do.

This is surprisingly rare. How often, really, do we appreciate why someone thinks as they do?